During work, John and William were chatting: John:
William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months
now and I have an exam next week. William: oh! John:
For example, do you know who is Graham Bell? William:
No John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if
you take night courses you would know this. The next
day, the same discussion took place: John: Do you
know who is Alexander Dumas? William: No John: He's
the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night
courses, you would know this. The next day, once
again: John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques
Rousseau? William: No John: He's the author of
"Confessions", if you take night courses, you would
know this. This time, William got irritated and said:
"And you, do you know who is George Hunt?" John: No
William: He's the guy enjoying with your wife!! If
you stop night courses, you would know this...

A chinese couple named their 1st baby 'ching chong
fong', 2nd 'chang ching kong', 3rd a Negro was born
they named it 'sum thing rong

The night is dark, the moon is high, i stop my car, u
ask why? I come close 2 u, u feel shy, I tell u those
3 words.... .....i La Punture

A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry
& asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not
supposed to see? Boy: Yes, I saw dad.

Maths teacher asked RAJA " If u have 12 chocalate and
u give 5 to PRIYA, 3 to PINKY and 4 to SAPNA then wat
will u get ? RAJA replied "Sir! 3 new girl friends".

An old rich man marries a young gal. Interviewer asks
the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha? Girl:
Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum. l.
Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye
kya dekha? Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke
din kum.

A concerned husband went to doctor to talk about his
wife. "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she
never hears me the first time and always asks me to
repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied. "go home
and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say
something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5
feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that
we'll get an idea about the severity of her
deafness." Sure enough, the husband goes home and
does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15
feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping
some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet close and
asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still
no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her,
about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's
for dinner?" She replies, " For the fourth time,
vegetable stew!".

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a
bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the
salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he
replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then
came back and again told the salesman, "I would like
to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes,"
he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut
and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then
waited a few days before she again approached the
salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we
don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she
exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because
that's a microwave," he replied.

 Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure." "Give me a green one, please."

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball
into the woods. She went into the woods to look for
it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her,
"If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog
said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there
was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get ten times more or better!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish,
she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome
man in the world, an Adonis who women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be
the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only
for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in
the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the
richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will
make your husband the richest man in the world and he
will be ten times richer than you." The woman said,
"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in
the world! The frog then inquired about her third
wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart
attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't
mess with them. Attention female readers: This is the
end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue
feeling good. Male readers: Please scroll down. = = =
= = = The man had a heart attack ten times milder
than his wife!!! Moral of the story: Women are really
dumb but think they're really smart. Let them
continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

He: Ander gaya kya ? She: ha! Gaya He: Dukha kya??
She: Zara bhi nahi He: Aur ek baar she:Ab isme dalo
Acch laga!! She: Ha.. bahut He: OK....MADAM KA
SANDALS PACK KARO!!!!

COMPUTER PROFESSIONALS' SONG # Local variable Mein
pal do pal ka shayar hoon, pal do pal meri kahani hai
pal do pal meri hasti hai.. # Global variable Main
har ik pal ka shayar hoon har ik pal meri kahani hai
har ik pal meri hasti hai # Null pointers Mera jeevan
kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya. # Dangling pointers Maut
bhi aati nahi jaan bhi jati nahin. # Goto Ajeeb
dastan hai yeh Kahan shuru kahan khatam Ye manzilen
hain kaun si Na woh samajh sake na hum # Two
Recursive functions calling each other Mujhe kuchh
kehna hein mujhe bhi kuchh kehna hein Pehle tum,
pehle tum. # The debugger Jab koi baat bigad jaye Jab
koi mushkil pad jaye Tum dena saath mera hamnawaz. #
>From VC++ to VB Yeh haseen vaadiyan Yeh khula asmaan
Aa gaye hum kahan. # Untrackable bug Aye ajnabi, tu
bhi kabhi, awaaz de kahin se. # Unexpected bug (esp
during presentation to client) Ye kya hua, Kaise hua,
Kab hua, Kyon hua. # And then to the client Jab hua,
Tab hua, O chhodo, ye na socho. # Load Balancing
Saathi haath badhana ek akela thak jayega mil kar
bojh uthana # Modem ( modem talk on a busy
connection) suno - kaho,kaha - suna,kuch huwa kya?
abhee to nahin.. # Windows getting open sourced Parde
mein rahne do parda na uthao parda jo uth gaya to
bhed khul jayeha allah meri tauba, allah meri tauba
AND SOME FILMS # ESC : NO DO GYARA # F1 : GUIDE #
UNDO : AA AB LAUT CHALE # SYSTEM WHOSE OS IS DOS :
BUDHA MIL GAYA # SOFTWARE & HARDWARE : EK DUJE KE
LIYE # CTRL+ALT+DEL : AAKHARI RASTA # HARD DISK &
FLOPPY : GHARWALI BAHERWALI # RAM : KORA KAGAZ # C++
& C : BADEMIYA CHOTEMIYA

 Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$
of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff,
I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you
would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would
love to hear from you. Love, Your $on.
--------------------------- Dear Son, I kNOw that
astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to
keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that
the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can
never study eNOugh. Love, Dad Little Johnny listened
to the other two boys and shook his head. He then
said: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is
a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30... and he's
home by 3:45!"

Dermatologist: Good News my dear, aftr looking
through your test results I'm happy to report you
will no longer be plagued by pimples. Girl: Wow!
That's great! Why? Dermatologist: There's no more
space.

Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the
schoolyard. Each was bragging about how great their
fathers are. The first one said: "Well, my father
runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to
run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!" The
second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast! My
father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there
before the bullet!" Little Johnny listened to the
other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "You
two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil
servant. He stops working at 4:30... and he's home by
3:45!"

Banta Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was
carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for
college admission). Accidently,the photograph fell
down from his pocket. He started searching for it
frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends
of a woman's saree. He asked her "Can you lift that
saree? I wanna take a photograph." The rest is
history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be
admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Santa
Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition.
Banta explained what happened to him. He had gone to
a remote village to work. He finished late and missed
the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he
approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether
he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied "I
have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to
stay." He approached the next house and asked whether
he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied,"I
have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to
stay." He went to the next house and asked:" Do you
have "grown up" Daughters?". The Owner
asked,"WHY?????????" Santa replied,"I wanted to stay
here for a night....." The rest is history.

 A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse and
decide to play a round of golf. The man has a little
dog with him, and on the first green, when he sinks a
20-foot putt, the little dog starts to yip, stands up
on its hind legs and walks around in circles. Amazed,
the friend says, “Wow, that dog is really
talented! What does he do if you miss a putt?”
“Somersaults,” the man says.
“Somersaults!” the friend exclaims.
“That’s incredible. How many does he
do?” “It all depends on how hard I kick
him.”

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when
three Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first
walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette
into the old man's pie, and then took a seat at the
counter. The second walked up to the old man and spit
into the old man's milk, and then he took a seat at
the counter. The third walked up to the old man and
turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a
seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the
old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter,
one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not
much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not
much of a truck driver either. He just backed his
truck over three motorcycles."

 Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman that
was suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years
loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any
longer. He would wander about never knowing where he
was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a
nursing home. At the nursing home, while the wife was
filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit
in a chair. Suddenly the man started slowly leaning
to his left. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on
his left side to prop him up. A few minutes later, he
started leaning to his right. Again, the nurse ran
over and put a pillow on his right side. Then he
starting leaning forward. This time, the nurse
strapped him into the chair. About this time, his
wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to
him and asked, "How do you like the place?" "It's
okay," he said, "but they won't let me fart."

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all
the Jews had to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big
uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a
deal. He would have a religious debate with a member
of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews
could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
The Jews realized that they had no choice. They
looked around for a champion who could defend their
faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too
risky. So they finally picked as their representative
an old man named Moishe who spent his life sweeping
up after people. Being old and poor, he had less to
lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to
the debate. Not being used to saying very much as he
cleaned up around the settlement, he asked that
neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed. The
day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat
opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope
raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe
looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope
waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe
pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled
out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an
apple. The Pope stood up and said, 'I give up. This
man is too good. The Jews can stay.' An hour later,
the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him
what happened. The Pope said: 'First I held up three
fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by
holding up one finger to remind me that there was
still one God common to both our religions. Then I
waved my finger around me to show him that God was
all around us. He responded by pointing to the
ground, showing that God was also right here with us.
I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God
absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to
remind me of original sin. He had an answer for
everything. What could I do?' Meanwhile, the Jewish
community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this
old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their
scholars had insisted was impossible! 'What
happened?' they asked. Well,' said Moishe, 'First he
said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of
here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then
he told me that this whole city would be cleared of
Jews. I let him know that we were staying right
here.' 'And then?' asked a woman. 'I don't know,'
said Moishe. 'He took out his lunch and I took out
mine.'